Help pupils develop healthy relationships with themselves and others

All schools should, by law, have a clear RSHE (RSE) curriculum in place. This intention requires the ‘relationships’ element within that curriculum to be carefully sequenced and planned to include resilience explicitly. Making connections with friends supports resilience when growing up. Understanding your support networks and how to maintain friendships is key to overcoming adversity. Also, understanding how to manage conflict/disagreement and falling out among friends is also vital to supporting mental wellbeing.

So, your curriculum should help pupils from a young age understand how to make friends, what makes a good friend and what healthy and unhealthy relationships are. As pupils get older, they require guidance about close or intimate relationships and what peer-on-peer abuse might look like. They also need to understand the different relationships that can exist in modern society, including same-sex partnerships. This may support pupils’ notions of identity, which can often cause angst among teenagers and impact their mental health.

Top tip

• Consider how you might measure the impact on your relationships curriculum.
  • Do you get feedback from pupils about what they’ve learned or how they have put any guidance into practice?
  • Do teachers notice when pupils are resolving conflict among themselves well?

Further resources

• Keep up to date with the DfE’s statutory guidance for relationships and sex education (RSE) and health education.
• Access support, training and guidance about PSHE education.

Learning to stand up for yourself and for others is an essential skill when growing up. This supports children and young people’s self-worth and dignity, which in turn helps them to be more resilient. Your school can play a big part in this by being consistent in its approach to derogatory and prejudiced attitudes.

To create a kind and empathetic environment, pupils need to be confident to call out disrespectful behaviour and trust that adults will do the same. More importantly, it will give confidence to victims of such behaviour which can lead to more resilience later in life. Teachers should model this approach for pupils. They should not ignore derogatory language or behaviour. This intention requires schools to deliver training to teachers to help them confidently call out and explain why derogatory language and behaviour is wrong.

Teachers also play a huge role in helping pupils learn to curb any negative self-talk, which diminishes their ability to bounce back when things go wrong. You should train teachers to help pupils manage their feelings by reframing their thoughts. ‘I’m rubbish at mathematics’ can be reframed as ‘I don’t understand this part of my mathematics work – I need help.’ Terms like ‘stupid’, ‘idiot’, ‘thick’, etc. should be banned. Teachers should praise stickability and perseverance but not give cheap praise as this devalues the worth and impact of these words. Ensure that praise feels genuine (see Doug Lemov’s blog on cheap praise).

Some things to consider:

• Clear rules around negative self-talk and making derogatory comments must be consistently understood and enforced.
• Help pupils to reframe their thinking when they encounter problems or setbacks. This can be about problems in their lives outside school or about their school work. Difficulties in work become an exciting challenge to overcome rather than an immovable obstacle.

You can also help parents to challenge negative self-talk and understand how to give praise when their child shows stickability at home. Help parents understand the potentially harmful effect of ‘The Fridge Door Syndrome’.

Top tips

• Consider developing a playlist to accompany assemblies that helps to reinforce notions of self-esteem and self-worth.
• Consider developing a compendium of poetry about valuing yourself, for example, ‘Still I rise’ by Maya Angelou. Ask pupils to write their own.

Further resources

• Help your child counter negative self-talk with this useful advice.
• Consult this guide for parents about self-esteem.
• Explore the concepts behind helping children develop healthy habits for life in Professor Steve Peters’ My Hidden Chimp.

Restorative justice approaches to behaviour management can promote empathy and restore relationships. During the process, perpetrators have to understand the impact of their behaviour on others and the victim is given a voice to explore their feelings about the behaviour.

This intention asks schools to routinely adopt this practice to help with conflict resolution and to help pupils understand one another better. These skills will help them in later life when or if they need relationship resolution. Being able to bounce back from a relationship breakdown or conflict is an important skill in becoming resilient.

Here are some ways to implement this intention:

• Adapt your current school policy to ensure that perpetrators of anti-social behaviour and bullying reflect on their actions and hear victim impact statements, as appropriate.
• Provide pastoral staff with training to conduct such mediation activities.

Top tip

• Make sure parents are informed about the process through the policy and information pages on your website.

Further resources

• The Anti-Bullying Alliance offers a short guide to restorative practice.
• Watch these videos about restorative practice in primary and secondary schools.
• Download this pamphlet about restorative approaches in schools.
• Explore the topic of restorative justice in education.

In this era of social media, the pressure to be popular or ‘liked’ often negatively affects mental health and wellbeing. This intention requires schools to devise a deliberate plan to help young people manage this pressure, understand and respect identity.

For older pupils, you should consider regularly exposing the false social media image of celebrities and the idea of perfection. Allow pupils to reflect on the credibility and reality of popular influencers on Instagram and YouTube. By helping pupils to understand how to avoid being manipulated, you can help them see the difference between myth/fake news and reality. They may be less likely to be drawn into comparing themselves unfavourably with others or look for affirmation from others to confirm their self-worth.

Younger children can be supported to regularly recognise their positive attributes and that of others. Carpet time could be used to say one positive thing about themselves and one other person. Help children to give compliments. Encouraging whole-school random acts of kindness supports this intention. Scientists now believe that giving kindness has a positive physiological effect on our bodies.

Try to ensure that pupils’ identity and positive self-image are supported by the displays and environment in the school as well as the curriculum taught. For example:

• Are black people perpetually seen as victims or enslaved in your curriculum?
• Are women portrayed in stereotypical ways?
• Are people with SEND represented in the texts they read?
• Are your school displays representative of the people who make up modern Britain?
• Is it ok to be different in your school?

By being aware of these matters, you can reinforce pupils’ positive self-image and help them feel proud of who they are.

Top tips

• Be aware of pupils who might be more vulnerable to low self-esteem – all staff should be vigilant around these pupils as they may require extra support.
• Engage with organisations that support LGBTQi matters such as Stonewall.
• Engage with parents about developing self-worth in their children. Consider The Fridge Door Syndrome, as cited by Professor Steve Peters in My Hidden Chimp.
• Think about putting together a playlist of songs promoting resilience and self-worth, for example:
  • ‘Beautiful’ by Christina Aguilera
  • ‘Brown Skin’ by India Arie
  • ‘Born This Way’ by Lady Gaga
  • ‘Warrior’ by Demi Lavato, etc. Better still, ask pupils to compile their best playlist for assemblies.
• Consider developing a compendium of poetry about valuing yourself, acceptance and identity, for example, Still I Rise by Maya Angelou. Alternatively, ask pupils to write their own.

Further resources

• Learn more about the importance of a child’s social identity.

Teaching children and young people how to recognise the range of emotions they have and giving them the tools to let others know how they are feeling is integral to building resilience. Often resilience is weakened when children lack the communication skills to manage their feelings and express their views and opinions. Consider teaching pupils to recognise different emotions and their triggers. What makes them happy, sad, angry, frustrated, etc.? Children from a young age can be supported to recognise these emotions. Teach them to know also that negative emotions don’t have to last long.

Communication and language skills are key to this intention. Consider how you develop all pupils’ language skills so that they can express their views. When they don’t agree with a decision or do not like a situation, how might they express this? Use drama and PSHE lessons to help pupils explore and practise their responses to difficult situations. Role play activities allow pupils to practise their communication skills. Schools could develop a range of scenarios to which pupils could respond.

Upper primary/secondary:

• Imagine you suspect your friend has been unkind/talked about you behind your back. Act out a scene to express to your friend how you feel.
• Imagine you are on the bus with your friends. Some of your friends start to harass an elderly gentleman/poke fun at an Asian woman/make sexist remarks to girls. You feel uncomfortable about this and want it to cease. Act out the scene and express your views to your friends to make it stop.
• You are feeling sad and upset. People keep asking you what’s wrong. Write a letter or act out a scene to explain your feelings and acknowledge the value of their friendship.
• Choose a subject that you may feel passionate about, for example, animal cruelty or climate change. Compose a speech to express your views and what you propose should happen next.

For younger pupils, it is important that the teacher helps them tell others when they need time out or that they may be unhappy. This could be done through emoji cards/time out cards.

Helping to give pupils a voice and valuing their views and opinions enables them to be more resilient. This is because they learn to have agency over their world.

Top tips

• Consider using emojis to help pupils to identify with an emotion they’re experiencing.

Further resources

• Read this article reflecting on childhood and child agency in history.

Often the best way to explore one’s thoughts, feelings and experiences is through the creative arts. Your performing and visual arts curriculums can play a significant role in helping pupils explore their own understanding of important issues such as relationships, feelings and identity. Consider where in the scheme of learning at early years, primary and Key Stage 3 these themes could be explored.

In early years and primary schools, think about the music children can dance and sing to which might be uplifting and positive. Can they make their own music to make themselves or others happy? Could they ask members of their family what songs or music makes them feel happy or positive? Children could paint or draw images that make them feel happy and proud.

Older pupils, including in secondary school, can examine art that portrays happy or sad emotions and analyse the artist’s intent. The art department can explore identity and self-esteem in visual form. The music department can also help pupils express their thoughts and feelings through listening to and writing music of their own. 

Consider how art therapy can be used to manage feelings and convey thoughts about the important people in pupils’ lives. The drama departments in secondary schools are often excellent places to develop pupils’ communication skills. This is because difficult issues can be acted out and depersonalised while helping pupils to tackle similar situations in their own lives. Managing conflict or relationship issues are some examples of difficult issues that can be tackled.

By engaging with the arts, pupils can find personal ways to express themselves or find commonality with others who might be experiencing similar problems. Finding ways to express your feelings or the communication skills to deal with difficulties are important resilience skills. This can be very empowering. 

Top tips

• Contemplate how these departments can contribute to a whole-school focus on resilience, for example, assemblies, plays/shows, exhibitions, etc.
• Consider introducing a competition or award for the best composition (music, performance, artwork) representing triumph over adversity.
• You could adapt the intention further by considering creative writing too.

Further resources

• Find out more about art therapy.